that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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