just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
