Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
