4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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