I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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