Well douche your snatch and let's go!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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