I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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