Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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