Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had sex on a roof
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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