You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
