lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
