I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
