I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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