he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
