is your mom at the bar?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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