He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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