I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
