she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
