Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
