She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
