You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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