also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
