my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
