my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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