What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have post one night stand depression
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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