Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
