if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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