Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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