I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
we should paint friendship bongs
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
