Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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