ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
