i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
