i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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