i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
