Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
