Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
