I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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