u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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