ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
