Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
