Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
