My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
