we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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