My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
