I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
