well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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