Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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