We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
