I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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