she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
