I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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