I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
only if we run a train.
done.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
