i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
