i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
