Fuck appropriateness.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
