I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Text me some of your sweat
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
